Home Parents Why do men play with your feelings?

Why do men play with your feelings?

by ines.wurbs@icloud.com

Why is he playing with my feelings? This is a question that worries many women. A general answer is difficult in this case. Nevertheless, I will try to list possible reasons for you.

This question can be caused by 3 possible reasons:

  • Misunderstandings due to insufficient communication
  • Through the exercise of power and control
  • The man uses you as his backup

Let me explain these points in more detail:

Misunderstandings due to insufficient communication

The classic in relationships is a communication problem. This is not true in many respects. Our children, a lot of work or stress also contribute to the fact that we talk past each other in a relationship.

When the first infatuation has passed, it is a challenge to manage the relationship in such a way that nothing falls by the wayside. In everyday life, it is often communication that is neglected.

Various matters are not addressed. Either because we simply don’t have the time or, out of consideration because we don’t want to burden our partner. Or because we don’t think about it and prefer to use the time differently.

A common problem is that we expect our partners to anticipate our desires. However, this is unrealistic and not fair to the partner. If we have needs or desires that our partner needs to fulfill, then we should say so clearly.

If we don’t do this, we will only be disappointed and, of course, blame our partner for it. Normally, we don’t doubt his love, but we are offended. These disappointments are usually not expressed, and over time there are more and more of them. We then often feel misunderstood and, above all, not valued.

You can avoid this by clearly defining your needs and desires and then conveying them to your partner. Tell him what you need and how he can “help” you. 

As always: 

  • Clear requests
  • No accusations
  • concrete activities
  • Specific times

That ensures success.

Exercise of power and control

While it’s not exactly the most common variant, it’s still there. Some people tend to want power and control over others.

This strengthens their self-esteem for such people and represents them better. This is not always apparent at the beginning of the relationship. It usually starts with small things and only slowly and gradually spreads to all areas. It usually has a massive impact on your feelings. In one moment he is polite, courteous, and lovable, and then in another situation humiliating, controlling, and dominating.

Here, it is up to you to evade this power game. In any form whatsoever. In the rarest cases people are born that way, but there are underlying, often unconscious, causes. In my experience, sufferers see no problem with it and no need to work on it.

You are his insurance

Now that might sound nice, but it’s not. Colloquially, it is also referred to as “keep warm”. He may not be sure, and you are his reassurance. He only keeps the relationship for selfish reasons.

Here, too, the feelings experience an up and down. Depending on whether your partner is interested in agreeing with you or not. I don’t want to say that this is always malicious intent. No, such processes often happen slowly and not with full awareness.

There can be just as much fear behind it as a breach of trust or your problems. The underlying causes are very diverse and individual. 

You can try talking and reporting what you have noticed and how you are doing with it. Try not to blame and just describe your feelings. Do not interpret anything purely, and try to be as objective as possible. Even if that is difficult, but otherwise it inevitably leads to a fight. And arguments are rarely constructive and won’t get you anywhere.

If you need tips to rebuild trust, then I  have valuable advice for you here

For more information about happy relationships and their factors, click here. 


No matter how you twist and turn it, you won’t be able to avoid a clarifying conversation. However, your partner may also refuse. Think in advance about what that would mean for you and what consequences you will draw from it. Whatever the reason, your partner is toying with your feelings. You are probably not feeling well, and it may be making you unhappy. So, it is necessary to tackle the problem. 

You may also like