Why is my child so loud?

Our children are real bundles of energy, and it literally bursts out of them. They run, rage and scream.

Small children and kindergarten children in particular often just scream like that. No specific words, they’re just loud. You can’t regulate yourself that well. But like everything, our children learn that. You can find out how you can support them and how our children learn.

What happens to our children when they are loud?

They are usually loud out of emotion. That is, when they are thrilled or because they are angry. In these situations, our children get very excited. The events in the brain are overflowing. Many messenger substances are released. Depending on what feeling you’re going through.

Our children’s brains are pretty busy with that. Everything is colored by the feeling. So, of course, is their voice. Especially when it comes to joy, fun, or anger, it is a loud voice that goes with it.

Our children’s brains are so busy with processing that skills that aren’t well-developed or are new, just get neglected. They get unattended. In this case, it is self-regulation. Our children are just not used to holding themselves back, especially in these moments. It needs help from outside, that’s us.

Of course, whether our children tend to be loud or quiet in certain situations also depends on our children’s temperament. However, you can’t just blame it on genes. Especially the upbringing, the bond, and how we deal with the behavior of our children have a strong impact on them. These spots are particularly important when learning to be quiet.

What does that mean to parents, when their child is loud?

We as parents are pretty used to it when it comes to volume. But after a while, loud children still get on our nerves. It is a certain kind of stress that is triggered in us, which slowly but steadily increases. This goes on until we finally reach our limit. 

Then it’s up to us to help our children turn down their volume a little.

We should start doing that before they get on our nerves. Our limits are often reached faster than we think, and that can also trigger anger in us parents. So start taking countermeasures in time. It is highly probable that it will also take our children a certain amount of time before they can hold themselves back so much that they don’t immediately start yelling again.

You can also read more about the effect of background noise on studying here if you are interested. 

Noise levels and their effect on the body

How noise affects the body can be clearly measured and proven. Here is an overview of everyday hearing events and their impact:

* Unit of measure for the strength of sound related to human hearing = decibel A, dB (A) for short. Source: BZgA (ed.): too much for your ears? About the protective handling of noise. Cologne 2006

Loud baby cries (according to Hansaton) are to be classified at 80 dB, and toddlers and children can certainly manage it even higher. Children’s noise can actually be really harmful to our hearing if we are right next to it. From a legal point of view, this does not apply to neighbors who complain.

What causes loud talking or playing?

The answer is mostly simple, the lack of self-regulation.

Development of self-regulation

Our children do not notice on their own that they are too loud. Children in particular immerse themselves in their world when playing or simply when they have intense feelings, and do not even notice that it is too loud for others. 

Even if they are old enough to know, the knowledge is only theoretical. Being quiet again on your own in a situation is an entirely different development step. We shouldn’t even expect toddlers and kindergarten children to master this step.

From about the last year of kindergarten or at the beginning of school, self-regulation is so mature that our children mostly succeed. But even then, it just depends a lot on the situation itself.

It is a learning process that starts at the age of two. Between the ages of 1.5 and 3 years, children get better at waiting for rewards. This is the beginning of self-regulation. Even at this age, some children are already beginning to consciously distract themselves from their feelings. But until our children really master self-regulation, especially in most situations, it usually takes the whole of childhood.

Let’s be honest, even we adults don’t always succeed. For example, think of situations where you laugh out loud because you are having so much fun. Or the friend who always gets loud when he has a glass too many. Yes, here, too, self-control takes a back seat. After all, we are human, and our feelings make us human.

The better the bond between you and your child, the easier it will be for him/ her to develop self-regulation. You are the safe haven your child needs and trusts in and finds comfort in. With age-appropriate support, practice, and constructive praise from you, your child will gradually learn to distract themselves and take a back seat when necessary.

14 tips to stop your child from being noisy

• Intervene in good time. Don’t wait until your limits are reached.
• Point out to your child that it is too loud.
• Make sure you make eye contact when telling your child.
• Be brief and clear with your request.
• Be aware that it doesn’t work right away and that your child has to be reminded of it several times.
• Offer your child an alternative. Depending on the reason for being loud, you can find different ways to express yourself with your child.
• If you are in a place where it is not appropriate for your child to be loud, change location if you don’t want to interrupt or if you can’t interrupt your child.
• If your child is loud because they are hyper: Create a safe haven for your child where they can calm down or distract themselves. 
• Don’t keep talking to your child in a loop.
• You may also arrange a sign with your child. If you show it, it’s the signal to turn it down. For example, the silent coyote hand signal (see picture above). It’s like a stop signal, but for noise. I mostly use a downward pushing hand motion. 
• Create enough situations in which your child can express themselves freely. No child can be silent all the time.
• Also, pay attention to minor signs of your child. If your child becomes restless while visiting a museum, plan to end the situation soon.
• Have distractions ready if your child needs to be quiet for long periods of time. Paper and pens, for example.
• Praise your child when they’ve tried to be quiet. You can learn how to praise your child properly in my article on proper praise.

If your child is also hyper in the evenings, then I have tips and reasons for you here.

Conclusion about noisy kids

Children are allowed to be children. But if it exceeds limits, intervene in good time or, in an emergency, retreat.